Improbable States

So I answer the phone and it’s my Aunt D. She’s calling to tell me that owning property is absolutely ridiculous. All these things are absolutely weighing her down. She has just got to purge. In fact, she’s made an important decision. She’s going to give up her apartment in Boston and sell everything. Then she’s going to take that money, plus her remaining life savings, and buy an Airstream motorhome. It’s a perfect plan, she says, because she’ll have limited space and won’t be able to accumulate things. After all, there are only a few essential items in life: books, diet Coke, her computer, the cats... This way nothing will tie her down and at long last, she’ll be free of the tyranny of things!

In fact, she says, she‘s found the most perfect, most marvelous, cutest 1987 Airstream Motorhome on eBay. And she’s already talked to the owner and it’s a great deal…one that she can’t possibly pass up. I ask, “Wow. Well…what’s it like? Have you driven it?” She replies breezily that no, she hasn’t. But she’s got that covered because she had the nicest man (a nearby Airstream dealer) go over and inspect it and he gave it two thumbs…way up! And furthermore, she says she needs to act fast, because the dealer told her that if she doesn’t buy it, then he will! You see, it turns out she can’t take it out for a test drive. And that’s not just because she’s never driven a motorhome before. It’s really because, well, the motorhome is in… Oklahoma.

And that’s what’s so great about D. She can simply take your breath away. Her manic plan of the moment is so all-encompassing, so exhilarating, so audacious and so free-spirited, it just makes you feel like you’ve copped a buzz off of whatever it is she’s smoking. So even though I had put my head in my hands when she said the word “Oklahoma,” I find that I just can’t help it. I lift my head and burst out laughing and exclaim “Wow! That’s incredible!”

Of all the things D. might have called about this morning, this has got to be the absolute most improbable topic... joyously telling me she spent every last dime she has on eBay, buying a 20-year-old motorhome that she has never touched or driven, that is currently parked in some guy’s driveway in Norman, Oklahoma. You just can’t make this stuff up.

But, it gets better. She goes on to explain that buying this motorhome isn’t just good for her, but it’s good for me too! Because instead of imposing on my family's hospitality when she comes to visit, she can just park her motorhome right in front of our house…and stay as long as she wants.